You would think that by the time you have your fourth baby, you know what you're doing.
I thought I would.
But four babies taught me that experience doesn't necessarily make motherhood more predictable.
Every baby made me a new mom all over again.
Four births. Four very different experiences.
I had my first baby at a local hospital—the traditional route. With my middle 2, I chose an unmedicated birth at a birth center. For another pregnancy, I received prenatal care through a different birth center, fully expecting another birth outside of the hospital.
Instead, I ended up in an operating room at a completely different hospital for an emergency C-section.
I really did run the gamut.
I gave birth with a doula beside me.
I had a baby come so quickly there wasn't time for my midwife or doula to make it into the room.
And, lastly, I gave birth surrounded by masked faces I can't remember, with mostly the voices from that operating room remaining in my memory.
But there was one constant through all four births: my husband was right there.
Holding my hand—or, probably more accurately, having his hand squeezed within an inch of its life.
Different rooms. Different plans. Different people caring for us. Different versions of me.
But each time, he was there.
Four babies. Four births.
Not one experience went exactly like another.
And neither did feeding them.
Same mom. Different baby.
With my first, I was determined to breastfeed.
When latching didn't go as planned, I ended up exclusively pumping for almost a year.
I learned perseverance. I learned how consuming feeding can become—physically, emotionally, and mentally. And I learned what it feels like when the experience you pictured isn't the experience you get.
Then another baby taught me something completely different- that doing all the things with support still may not look as hoped.
By my third, after an incredibly fast birth, I had a baby who latched beautifully and breastfed for more than a year.
Same mom. Completely different baby. Completely different experience.
By baby number four, surely I had this figured out.
Not quite. The stress of our family moving and building a house during those early postpartum months led to changing my already struggling breastfeeding journey once again.
Because that's one of the things motherhood has taught me over and over:
Experience doesn't guarantee the experience.
Motherhood has a way of making beginners out of us.
We spend pregnancy making plans.
Where we'll deliver.
Who will be there.
Whether we'll have an epidural.
How we'll feed.
What we'll do when we get home.
And I believe deeply in preparing.
But after four babies, I've learned that preparation isn't the same thing as control.
The value of preparing isn't that everything will go according to plan.
It's that when it doesn't, you have knowledge, resources and people around you to help you find your next step.
Because sometimes the birth center becomes an operating room.
Sometimes the doula doesn't make it.
Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't look like breastfeeding at all—it looks like a pump running around the clock.
And sometimes something you struggled desperately to make work with one baby happens almost effortlessly with another.
Your friend's feeding experience won't necessarily be yours.
Your second baby may be nothing like your first.
And what worked beautifully last time might not work this time.
That's not a reason to prepare less. It's a reason to prepare differently.
Prepare with flexibility.
Know your options.
Ask questions.
Build your support system before you need it.
And leave a little room for the possibility that you don't yet know what you—or your baby—will need.
Looking back, I think my babies were preparing me, too.
Mama & Babe didn't exist when I was having my babies.
But I can see now how much those four very different experiences shaped the way I care for mothers today.
I bring more than two decades as an occupational therapist and my lactation training into a family's home.
But I also bring the perspective of a mother who has experienced very different sides of birth and feeding.
I've been the first-time mom desperately wanting breastfeeding to work.
I've been the mom exclusively pumping.
I've been the mom whose baby latched beautifully.
I've had the birth I planned—and the birth I absolutely didn't.
I've had support beside me, and I've experienced moments when circumstances moved faster than the support could arrive.
And all of it taught me something I now carry into every Mama & Babe home:
There isn't one right way for this story to unfold.
My job isn't to hand you the perfect plan.
It's to help you understand your baby, your body and your options—and to help you feel informed and supported enough to navigate your own story, even when the plan changes.
Four babies. Four completely different stories.
And maybe the greatest lesson they taught me is this:
You can't prepare for every version of motherhood.
But you can make sure you don't have to navigate it alone.
XO,
Melissa
MAMA & BABE
In-home Lactation • Infant Development • Maternal Support
Charlotte, NC