A few weeks ago, I was wrapping up my final visit with a MAMA & BABE client who happens to be a medical doctor. As I was leaving, she stopped me and said something I haven’t been able to shake:“I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. I think it’s insane that women don’t get checked on for 6 weeks after having a baby. All of the attention is on the baby…but there’s nothing in place to make sure 'Mom' is okay.”
It struck me that she was saying this from two perspectives: as a doctor and as a new mother. We prepare extensively for the baby.We learn the signs of labor. Install the car seat. Learn safe sleep. Count wet diapers. Schedule newborn appointments. Monitor baby’s weight, feeding and development. But who is caring for 'Mom'? And why is the responsibility for recognizing that something is wrong so often placed on the person who is recovering, sleep-deprived, hormonally shifting and learning to care for a newborn?
A mother shouldn’t have to be her own safety net.Most families have heard of postpartum depression. But postpartum mental health can also include overwhelming anxiety, panic, rage, inability to sleep, frightening intrusive thoughts and, much more rarely, postpartum psychosis.These aren’t interchangeable.Postpartum psychosis is a rare but serious psychiatric emergency that can involve severe confusion, paranoia, hallucinations, delusions or mania.
The Lindsay Clancy case has brought postpartum mental health—and particularly postpartum psychosis—into public conversation in an extraordinarily painful way. Her case is complex, and it isn’t my place to diagnose or reduce what happened to a single explanation. But it should make all of us ask a bigger question:How well are we preparing the people around a new mother to recognize when she needs help?
Because this education cannot stop with Mom. Partners need to know. Grandparents need to know. Friends need to know. Neighbors should notice. Providers need to ask.The people bringing dinner, holding the baby, attending pediatric appointments and sending the “How’s the baby?” texts are part of the postpartum safety net, too.
Maybe we need to start asking: How is she?
Prepare the community, not just the mother.Before a baby arrives, families shouldn’t only have a birth plan and feeding plan.They need a Mom plan.
Who will notice if she stops sleeping?Who knows what changes in behavior warrant concern?Who can she be completely honest with?Who will make sure she’s eating, resting and recovering?Who knows how to reach her providers?And who will make the call if she isn’t able to recognize that she needs help?
Sometimes advocating for Mom means not waiting for Mom to ask.This is part of why I created Mama & Babe.
When I walk into a family’s home, I’m looking at the baby—feeding, positioning, regulation, development, head shape and movement.But I’m also looking at Mom. How is she moving? Sleeping? Eating? Coping? How is feeding affecting her body? Does she have support? How is she functioning in a life that suddenly looks completely different?
As an occupational therapist and lactation counselor, I don’t replace an obstetric provider, physician or mental-health professional.I help fill some of the space between appointments—to educate, observe, support, ask questions and help families recognize when and what additional care may be needed.But caring for mothers is bigger than any one provider.Healthy postpartum communities notice mothers.
So before your baby arrives, talk with the people who will surround you. Family members, friends, neighbors, church family, co-workers. AND reach out and support a new mom in YOUR community! Don't let them go unseen. Just do the helpful, kind, or encouraging thing- a note, a gift card, a meal. Knock on the door to say 'hi' or give a brief hug - let them know they are seen.
Prepare for feeding.
Prepare for the baby.
Prepare your partner.
Prepare your family.
Prepare for Mom, too. Because caring for a new mother, who is caring for a newborn- shouldn’t be her responsibility alone. Let's take care of eachother.
Also- for more insight and a hearing more on this topic- check out the MomWorks Podcast episode where Kristen Weinrich and I had a great discussion on this topic.
XO,
Melissa
MAMA & BABE
In-home Lactation • Infant Development • Maternal Support
Charlotte, NC
If a postpartum mother experiences hallucinations, delusions, severe confusion, mania, loss of touch with reality, or there is concern that she or someone else is in immediate danger, seek emergency medical care. In the U.S., call 911 for an immediate emergency or call/text 988 for crisis support.
Email me @Melissa@mamababecharlotte.com
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